they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
