How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
