you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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