remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize