Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
