Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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