did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You pole danced in your parka.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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