i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
