Please, let me fuck your mom
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
