I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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