My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
