whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
