my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
