I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't deserve a penis
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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