I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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