U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
