whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
