so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
