Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
