well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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