Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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