Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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