I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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