Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize