Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
