The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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