So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize