so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
