Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
