I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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