i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
