when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
