Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I cannot find my penis.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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