Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
