No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
