i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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