I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize