Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
