saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
