You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
