Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
