is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
