just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That reminds me...we need to get swords
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
