Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
