i just made my gag reflex go away.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
