Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
