I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
