I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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