I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He has the fingertips of a God
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
