One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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