Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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