Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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