i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
