you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
