i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I party with great urgency now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
