Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have post one night stand depression
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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