this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
