He told me they were just razor bumps!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize