Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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