before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
