It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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