I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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