Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
