Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
