idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
