I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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