Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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