do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
