Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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