we're chasing vodka with high fives
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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